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How is online dating going to change society?

SociologySociety+3
Olga Zeveleva
  · 1,2 K
PhD researcher at the University of Cambridge, Department of Sociology; sociology of...  · 10 февр 2017

Many people seem to think that online dating offers possibilities other, more traditional forms of meeting partners, did not. To begin with, the sheer scale of choice is much greater: whereas previously the ‘pool’ of potential partners would have been limited to the people one knew through family, school, work, or everyday interaction (and, in many cases, chosen by family members), now we can access profiles of users from different parts of town, country, or even different countries, and interact with people we would not otherwise meet in our daily lives.

It could be claimed that online platforms make dating easier, both by widening the pool of potential partners, and by helping people choose those they may want to meet 'in real life'.

Furthermore, online communication makes it easier to establish initial contact (which may be particularly important for young people, those who are shy, or LGBTQ individuals in closed, conservative, or homophobic environments). In some cases, users are able to signal what type of interaction (longer or shorter-term) they are looking for, which, in theory, helps minimize disappointment. Equally, many platforms provide a wealth of information about potential ‘dates’, information that we would otherwise have to find out in conversation, all the way to suggesting potential ‘matches’ on the basis of relatively sophisticated algorithms. In this sense, it could be claimed that online platforms make dating easier, both by widening the pool of potential partners, and by helping people choose those they may want to meet 'in real life'.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/KHrsArsG_68?wmode=opaque

Video: Eva Illouz, author of the book "Why Love Hurts," presents lecture on "Internet and Romantic Imagination"

On the other hand, it would be too optimistic to claim Tinder, Grindr or OKCupid can overcome or subvert gender, class and other inequalities that persist in the domain of romantic relationships. Research suggests that people’s preferences, including in online dating, continue to exhibit patterns that confirm what sociologists suspected: people choose other people they have things in common with – which frequently translates into differences in terms of race, ethnicity, class, or status. In Dataclysm, Kevin Rudder, one of the founders of OKCupid, presents a relatively grim image of users’ preferences, showing that most people display racial and other forms of bias (the data from OKCupid has been leaked in the meantime, so, in principle, it is possible to use it for similar forms of analysis). Even outside of stark forms of discrimination, people are more likely to engage online with people they judge to be of similar educational status - something that usually conveys class. 

What has changed is that specific patterns of consumption/lifestyle choices can no longer be mapped neatly onto class divisions; in this sense, though people are still (more) likely to choose those they have interests in common with, that may include people from a wider variety of backgrounds than would have been the case 20 or 50 years ago.

This reflects the fact that, besides chance, physical attraction, and availability, partner choices depend on deeper and longer-lasting social mechanisms that influence the way we socialize. When I did ethnographic research on heterosexual romantic relationships in 2007, right before the wide adoption of online dating, many of the criteria people mentioned in the selection of potential partners – such as taste in music or cinema, political orientation, or part of town/country they came from – could be read as proxies for class belonging. These criteria remain important in the era of online dating. What has changed, however, is that specific patterns of consumption/lifestyle choices can no longer be mapped neatly onto class divisions; in this sense, though people are still (more) likely to choose those they have interests in common with, that may include people from a wider variety of backgrounds than would have been the case 20 or 50 years ago.

In sum, while it is still early to judge the long-term effects of online dating, unguarded optimism about its powers is little more than believing technology has the power to transform humankind. A few aspects in which online dating may influence longer-term societal dynamics warrant mentioning, though. First, online platforms may give women more control in the context of heterosexual interactions (one app, Bumble, has been developed explicitly with this in mind), and thus help subvert some of the stereotypes in terms of who should be making the first move. Second, they may provide more opportunities to connect for people who are elderly, differently abled, or experience anxiety in social situations. In this sense, they may, indeed, transform the way many people experience their romantic relationships, as well as overall social interaction.

Online platforms may provide more opportunities to connect for people who are elderly, differently abled, or experience anxiety in social situations.

On the other hand, given the array of possibilities they enable, they may contribute to the already existing social pressure to be engaged in dating, and thus exacerbate the stigma of singledom that persists even in relatively egalitarian contexts. In this, they play a role in the creation and perpetuation of what Eva Illouz has dubbed 'emotional capitalism' - the pressure to increasingly 'publicise' feelings and engage in emotional interaction. Paradoxically, they may also deplete the emotional content of relationships: the idea of abundance of potential partners 'at a mouseclick' may minimize incentives for sustained commitment to getting to know other people, especially irrespective of their 'mating' potential. 

In a nutshell, just like any other technology, online dating is a mixed bag: it can enable us to meet more people and in a different way, but, in the end, it cannot do the work of relationship-building for us.

PhD researcher at the Department of Scoiology, University of Cambridge  · 12 февр 2017
Being single has never been easy. Humans are social beings: we gain meaning, purpose, fulfilment, contentment, drama, prosperity, knowledge, understanding from interacting with other people. Online dating apps and websites can be dark and lonely places for those who are looking for a traditional relationship. But they can also offer a protective boundary, a new way to... Читать далее